Trouble by Over the Rhine… I think it’s good š
25 Friday May 2012
Posted Uncategorized
in
Trouble by Over the Rhine… I think it’s good š
24 Thursday May 2012
Posted Humor, Uncategorized
inFor the first 10 years of my schooling, I went to a small private school. I’m assuming that because it was still a fledging institution back then (they’ve come a very long way since, now housed in a multimillion-dollar complex with state-of-the-art everything from computer lab to gym to classrooms), they made do with whatever they came across. Thus, none of the desks or chairs matched.
In 4th grade, our classroom was outfitted with new, identical desks with orange plastic chairs. Of course, they were a little too small for the typical 4th grader, and by Thanksgiving, some of the lids to the desks fell off their hinges. My desk lasted until about President’s Day, impressively. By the end of the school year, it looked like a 4th grade rock band trashed the room. Adding to the problem with those desks was the lack of rungs on the bottom. Here’s why:
Kids always fell off their chairs. It usually happened more to the kids in the last row, who didn’t have a desk behind them to break their fall. But, it happened to everyone at least once. And yes, you felt pretty stupid when it did. And depending on how you fell, it could have been even more awkward getting up (think of a turtle on its back).
This is how it usually went down: You put each foot on a side rung, and leaned back so that your chair was cantilevered. Yeah, everyone has done that, right? But sometimes, something went wrong. The chair slid out too fast and you went down with it. Or, once you’re on two legs, you tried to defy physics by raising your knees to the edge of your desk (look Ma! No legs!) only for the desk to slide forward as the chair goes backwards. Or worse, when you’re wedged between your desk and the desk behind you, and that kid then pulls his desk just an inch or two away. That was never a pretty sight, either.
Every teacher hated it, and yelled at the red-faced, ego-bruised kid. Everyone would snicker, only angering the teacher more. Unless they had a sense of humor, as when I fell off my chair one particular time I can recall:
I was leaning back and balancing nicely. I was feeling pretty proud of my accomplishment (dream big!!). Then, someone from one end of the classroom got up to sharpen his pencil on the other side of the room. So, he goes around the back of the room, where I was too cool for school that day, and walks past me. I don’t know why (I didn’t have a reason at the time either), but I did a double-take and WHOOSH!!! flew right off. Then came the requisite laughter and this comment:
“J—— was checking out <insert boy’s name– I’m good, but not that good at remembering>! I think she has a crush on him!”
More laughter and a day of teasing. I was mortified. That was one of the longest days of my life in elementary school. It wasn’t as bad as when my first crush in 1st grade called me a dummy, though. That made me cry. But, of course, I still liked him. That’s another story, though. Maybe.
22 Tuesday May 2012
Posted Humor, Uncategorized
inToday is Tuesday. Today is Tuesday. Today is Tuesday.
Once upon a time, I worked in this little satellite office of a larger office that was headquartered in Israel. Once in a while, we had special visitors from the Holy Land office. One special visitor was a character (just an aside, to be as nice as possible, I use the word character to replace the derogatory word I really want to use) of epic proportions (he was rather rotund). Name a bad trait and he claimed it, almost greedily. He kicked me out of my desk so that he could set up his own laptop and garbage. He let me stay in my office, though– how generous.
There I was, sitting at the worktable with my back facing him, not knowing what he’s really doing, and not wanting to know, either. Out of nowhere he announces, “Today is Tuesday.” I ignored him.
“Today is Tuesday…. Today is TUESDAY. TODAY is Tuesday. TODAY is TUESDAY. Today IS TUESDAY! TODAY IS TUESDAY!!!”
I finally turn around and yell, “It’s freaking Wednesday!!!!”
As it turned out, one of his goals for the day was to set up his speech-to-text recognition software. After four hours of installing, upgrading, and “Today is Tuesday”-ing, he gave me an evil look. I had just managed to reset HIS voice recognition for my voice, with one, stupid interjection.
And so, today is Tuesday.
P.S. The phrase “Today is Tuesday” is used by the software to calibrate your Ts, vis Ć vis your Ds, and to differentiate your pronunciation of “oo” in today and Tuesday. The software makes you repeat the phrase while stressing the words differently each time to annoy your coworkers.
18 Friday May 2012
Posted Uncategorized
inI’m gonna dive right in.
That’s how I normally do things, anyway. That’s not some cavalier, live in the moment, sans souciĀ attitude. That’s just because I don’t have the attention span to think twice before I leap.
Anyway…
I made a new friend who eagerly suggested I write a blog. Little did he know, I already created this, but I just never developed it. I guess now is as good a time as any.
Now that I think about it, I might need a bit of fuel to get me going. It’s too early right now. Stay tuned, though. I just need a couple of G&Ts to get me going.